A few months ago, I attended a Catholic wake.
As is customary at these events, I walked past a line of family members of the deceased. One by one, I offered my sincerest condolences, stopping at the head of the line to hug the parents of the person that died too soon. I wanted to say something, anything, that might provide them some measure of comfort in their time of grief. Of course, the only thing I could offer was, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Because, really…what do you say to the couple who have just lost their son after a lengthy, excruciating battle with cancer?
What do you say when you look inside the open casket, and see the body of a 20-month-old boy?
Of course, all you can really say is, “I’m so sorry,” and then shut the fuck up, silently mourning their loss and despairing for the patent lack of fairness when two wonderful people lose their only child.
And then, when the dust settles, you emerge with a determination to do something, anything, to help.
This weekend, my oldest and closest friend, Brian, is riding in the Pan-Mass Challenge. Every year for the last bunch of years, he’s trained for months, riding hundreds and hundreds of miles to prepare himself for the PMC, which raises money to fight cancer. Each rider races for a particular individual or set of individuals who have been stricken down by this plague.
This year, Brian is racing for a number of children, including the 20-month-old boy I last saw a few months ago. This boy’s name is Alexander Whipple, also known by his happy moniker, Alexander the Great.
Alexander’s mom, Nancy, has set up a blog of her own, The Cookie Gal. Check it out, as she has some good ideas how to donate money and/or time for a number of causes, particularly for the eradication of cancer.
I don’t ride a bike, and I’m not adept at fundraising. However, I do have a voice, and I can use that voice to bring attention to those cause which merit your collective efforts. If you have the means, consider donating to the PMC or comparable charities. If money is tight, consider donating blood platelets. Sure, you’re afraid of needles, but get the fuck over it. Maybe it will be my kid that needs these platelets at some point.
Maybe it will be yours.
Most of the time, this blog is my escape. It’s a place where I can focus on life’s absurdities, and more importantly, it’s a place where I can laugh. This is the first time I’ve used it as a bully pulpit to remind people, including myself, that the slightest gesture by many can make an enormous difference for the better. This is the first time I’ve elected to be a cheerleader for a cause like this.
It won’t be the last.
Much love to all, and to Alexander the Great, sleep well, little man.
Beautifully said, Roy. Thanks for reminding us of the power of one voice.
Thanks for that, Kristen.
You said it all, Big Guy! The Challange riders go right by my house, matter of fact, and several of my friends are riding this year. Support the cause and honor the memory of those we’ve lost to this rotten disease…..
Well spoken, Maam Dukes. Thanks for chiming in…
+1 Roy, love yea buddy and very well said. My company this year will be donating over $2000 to Brian and the pan mass challenge. Im super stoked to help raise money and be a part of this amazing fund raiser.
Much love back atcha, brother. Great job on the continued good work for the cause–I got a late start this year, but I’m planning on being more proactive in the future. Maybe you, Brian and I can put our heads together at some point to see how I can add to what you’ve already done. Can’t just let this stuff pass us by, can we?
As always Roy you have the internet thinking about something. Whether its lyrical genius or the cure for cancer, your words speak volumes.
It is very sad when we lose someone dear to us and it’s heart breaking to know that people as young as Alexander the Great had no real chance against something so horrible. It hurts when we lose our elderly because its their time, but we all feel the loss.
My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the family of Alexander and if I had the means to send money or spill blood I would gladly do it for so many people that truly need it. Because of my own health issues I sadly cannot donate to save a life.
I am right there with you in lifting up your voice and supporting the funding to find a cure for cancer and if you ever need another voice I can help!
Hey, thanks for the thoughts and prayers, Scorplette. There’s a way for all of us to play our part in dealing with this stuff, whether it’s money or platelets or getting the word out. The simple fact that you care is vital, and that’s really the most important step one needs to find their own niche to help. Keep up the passion for this, mi amiga.
The picture got me. I have a highly sensitive soft spot for babes. I definitely am the brokest bitch I know but am DOWN with the blood platelet thing and will be looking into that and subscribing to the blog.
On another note, I have a hard time knowing what to say to the grieving families as well. I think everyone does. Because sometimes there are no words. But one of my most brilliant, kind English professors in my undergrad. program had a friend who lost a husband. Not knowing what to say, yet being an English professor in LOVE with the written word, pondered and decided that what usually doesn’t help are the generic cards of “time heals all…” blah blah blah. SO he spent a weekend sifting through ancient, beautifully crafted sonnets written by the masters, and found a…depressing one. One that she could cry to as she read it. One that supported her despair. And he copied it off to her and sent it. And I bet it helped…
I hope that it helped, as well. I’ve never been a fan of trying to put any type of positive spin on loss of this magnitude, imagining how I’d feel if someone said something like, “Time heals all wounds” or “All things happen for a reason” or my personal favorite, “It’s God’s will.” I’d rather hear something that acknowledges how horrific this type of loss is, and which may let me grieve as is needed. I try to be optimistic in life, but the death of children is not something I’ll ever view with a glass half-full perspective…
Yeah I always loved the “things happen for a reason”. I would like them to TELL me the REASON my 8 month old son got frinken CANCER!!! argggg……..before the wake, the priest said, “people will say a lot of stupid things – it is advisable to NOT hit them!” thankfully though, we didn’t hear many stupid comments those days…
The PMC challenge is in our area Sept 18th. Last year I attempted to gather a team from the two schools with little success. My boys and a few friends rode and they had a blast…definitely a new tradition in our family.
That’s excellent, Alissa, both for the effort and for instilling a sense of charity and empathy in your kids so early on. Thanks for sharing, very much appreciated.
Special and beautifully written Roy. Thank you for reminders…
Thank you, Barbara.
Found your blog a few weeks ago and keep coming back because, my man, you are both wise and hilarious.(mostly hilarious) So just yesterday I took my 16 year old daughter to an antiques market in hope of buying a trunk she’d seen there a few weeks ago. She wore a shocking pink wig because she didn’t feel like showering yet had dreaded greasy hair. On the way there she said “what if they think I’m a cancer kid because I’m in a wig and want to give me a discount?” and we had a rare conversation about people’s assumptions and cancer generally and how unimaginable being/having a child with cancer would be. Then this morning I open a book from a used book store and out falls a “Support Kids with Cancer” bookmark, I kid you not. Freaked me out enough to conclude that if a third childhood cancer reference appeared I could not ignore it. And then tonight,here you are…So I’m in,buddy. PMC all the way. Thanks for all that you put out there and know this post bore some fruit. Shine on, Alexander…
Gretchen, thanks so much for your comment, and for your ability to recognize the not-so-subtle signals that life hurls our way. Good for you as well for your willingness to play your part in helping, that’s truly excellent. Having never met you before, I can say with some confidence that you’re a cool chick. Thanks again.
Thank you for spreading Alexander’s Message!!
@Lilscorpiosweet – I can’t donate either – but you can still spread the word and ask others to donate!
@gretchen – SOOOO Weired!
Always glad to do what little I can to help, Nancy. Be well, please.
Beautifully written, Roy. You make me proud on so many levels.
Alexander was such a special little guy to so many people. It’s amazing how many lives he touched while on this earth such a short amount of time. I’m so thankful to people like Brian, who work so hard to raise money to help cure cancer, and to people like you who use their voice to help spread the word.
What amazes me most though are people like Nancy and Richard who even after experiencing such a sad and terrible tragedy, still do so much to help others who have children still fighting for their lives.
I know that you are all making a difference to get others to help cure this horrible disease.
Thanks for that, sweetheart.
Thanks for bringing awareness to another great cause. I have a 22 month old daughter and I can’t imagine having to go through something like that. My aunt died last weekend….58, heart attack out of nowhere. I wasn’t that close to her since my uncle lives here in Chicago and she’s been living in Santa Fe…they were still married but had kinda a strange relationship. But I was glad that after 8 years of not seeing her, she was able to come over to our house for a visit and meet my daughter. I wish I was able to spend more time with her but you alway think you have more time in life. Even when tragedy strikes, it always serves as a reminder on how short and precious life is and to make each day count as if it were your last. Prayers to Alexander, his family and friends like you.
Thanks to you, Ann, for emphasizing the importance of living in the moment. Any of us could go out and get hit by a truck tomorrow…if that were the case, would we be happy with how we spent our final day? Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, they’re much appreciated.
Great blog, Roy. Agreed being a voice is a major part in this. I’m on a committee that runs our schools Relay for Life, a fundraising event by the American Cancer Society and the biggest thing is bringing awareness to people and getting support in the form of some sort of donation. I’ve been walking in Relay for Life for the past three years for my mom who’s a survivor. Again, great post.
Hey, thanks for the comment, and for the compliment, Nick. Good for you for your initiative in getting so actively involved, which I imagine makes your mother extraordinarily proud. I think raising awareness is key—everyone knows that cancer is a beast, but it seems like most people don’t get involved in the fight until it strikes close to home. I certainly count myself in the group that didn’t fully grasp how evil cancer is until recently, primarily because in my family, it’s never been an issue (in my family, our best defense against cancer is dying from massive strokes, for better or worse). Now that I’ve gotten some close-up experience, it only seems right to try to do something. Thanks again for the response, keep up the fight.
Roy
Roy, every time I read your blog you give me another reason to love you. There is something about being a parent that just changes a person, especially when it comes to stories about kids. I think if anyone had every told me about The Fear, I may never have had a child and I’m not sure it’s something I’ll ever really deal with. I understand now why my mum used to stay awake till 2am until she heard me come in when I was a young woman. I’m 38 now and she still does it when I stay at their place. There just are no words, none at all for this kind of loss, I’m just in tears. I live all the way on the other side of the world but I have friends in the US and I’ll add my voice where I can.
I plan to contact the red cross and donate platelets. I didn’t even know that I could do that, so thanks so much for giving me an idea on how I can help out.
Well said – I’m still shaken by the whole situation and so proud of Nancy and Richard and their families for how amazingly they faced the whole situation. I pray for Alexander every day, but also for their whole family for the courage and bravery they showed throughout, Tough topic, but as usual, you handled it with class, and I think we all hug our children a little tighter as a result of his short but important life. He’s a special little angel now who taught us all how fragile life is, and I’ll never forget him. Thanks, Rad…